Our daughter’s wedding on June 29 was a glorious, celebratory event filled with so much love and beautiful moments of sentimentality and pure joy as we danced the night away. And it all went by way too fast!

As a high school girlfriend had told me she’d experienced with her eldest daughter’s wedding, I too felt that sense of the quick passage of time that resulted in so many “missed opportunities.” People I had hoped to meet and the conversations I’d been looking forward to never came to fruition. As Dominic and I reminisced before we went to bed that night, he told me he felt the same way. Yet, he and I had been in the flow of the day and night, experiencing each present moment as it unfolded. Talking it through that night, we tried our best to reconcile what we’d experienced with what we’d intended.

Later, after we finally went to bed, I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep. I lay there playing through the six hours, trying to remember as much as I could. Suddenly, I was startled by a memory that had taken place before the guests settled into dinner. As planned, Dominic and I read the “speeches” we had prepared—to thank everyone for being there with us and to address the new couple. As I read my double-spaced, three-and-a-half-page message, I handed each completed page to one of my cousins. On the third page, I came to an emotional message to the couple and paused to look at them as I spoke the words. I then passed the page and continued, feeling a sense that I had missed something. However, I continued to the end, moved by what I shared and by the reactions of my daughter and son-in-law as well as many of the guests.

Laying in bed I remembered a phrase that was part of what I’d written—and I couldn’t remember having read it. I jumped out of bed, grabbed the written speech from my purse, headed to the bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the light. As I reread what I’d written, I gasped, realizing I hadn’t shared the last two paragraphs on the third page. Somehow, in that very emotional moment, looking at my daughter and her husband, I turned back to the page, thinking I’d read to the bottom. Sitting on the toilet at 2 AM, I felt sick to my stomach. How could I have missed two of the paragraphs that had been so important to me? It took quite some time for me to calm myself down and talk myself off the ledge of my grand faux pas.

The Perfect Message

The following day, I told Dominic what had happened. As much as I told myself that I’d read what I was meant to read, I was having a hard time letting go of my big mistake.

It would be almost two weeks before I’d see the bigger message, and that message was meant for ME!

The phrase included in those two paragraphs was “perfectly imperfect.” In an aha moment, sharing what happened with a friend, I realized that my omission was meant to stand out to me. It’s said that we teach best what we most need to learn. I wasn’t meant to “teach or preach” that message on their wedding day. I was meant to further consider its meaning in my own life before I could ever impart it to someone else, most especially my daughter and her husband.

And what did it mean to me? My mistake was no accident. What occurred led me to see how much I strive to be perfect. Yet, perfection is an illusion and one that I, along with so many other human beings, strive for. We define our quest for perfection by all we attempt to do and what we accomplish, not realizing that our perfection comes from allowing ourselves to be who we are, in all our splendid imperfectness.

Our imperfections are what make us beautiful—inside and out. It is from our acknowledgment of being perfectly imperfect that we discover grace and humility, compassion and kindness, and above all else, love of self and others.

More than two weeks have passed since our daughter’s beautiful wedding. Today, I sit here in gratitude for the opportunity to learn this lesson once more and to take it deeper into my core. As a child, to feel loved and accepted, I tried to be perfect in my school achievements and my behavior. I did everything I could to be that perfect child, studying late into the night at times and avoiding situations where I might get into trouble at other times. Although I’ve come a long way in letting go of the need to be perfect, what happened most recently shows me that there are still more layers to be uncovered. In this moment, I can say I am perfectly imperfect. But how I may feel about myself in the future remains to be seen. I am a work in progress.

We are ALL Perfectly Imperfect

As for the message that was left out, I’ve decided to share it. Although it was focused on marriage, as I’ve discovered for myself, I believe it is meant for any of us who struggle with our relationship with perfectionism.

Marriage is a journey … The challenging times we inevitably face let us discover our resilience and strength, and even our creativity. Be grateful for every moment of life together, knowing that no matter what you may face, life is an incredible gift, and choosing to share it with each other gives you the opportunity to expand your hearts and your capacity to love.

 

Being human, we are all perfectly imperfect, and that won’t change no matter how hard we try. I read a quote recently that said, “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who won’t give up on each other.” Allow yourselves to be perfectly imperfect together, and give yourselves grace along the way!

May you allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect, and may you offer yourself grace—as well as compassion—along the way! Blessings to you on your journey!