I refuse to label what’s been happening as writer’s block, a term I try to avoid using. What I’ve been experiencing feels more like a fallow time. Just as a field is left unsown for a growing season to restore and strengthen the land, it seems I’ve needed nourishment, most especially from other people’s writing. With the pace of my editing prior to my fall in November, I had dropped off from doing any personal reading.
Over the past five months, however, as I’ve continued to heal, it’s as if I’ve required the sustenance of others’ words as much as rest, movement, and healthy food.
Releasing the Weight of the World
Releasing the Weight of the WorldBut something else has happened during this fallow time, which doesn’t feel as nutrient rich. I’ve questioned the source of my “creativity depletion” and wondered whether my writing should be revived. With all that is happening in our country and in the world at large, I’ve been feeling an overwhelming sense of duty to offer words that will serve as a soothing balm to our frayed nerves and heightened awareness of the current chaos and distress many people are feeling, which has left me uncertain about what I could possibly provide.
I recently read a quoted line from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic that has helped. “You are not required to save the world with your creativity.” Her words were the perfect response to what’s been running under the surface of my inability to write—a sense of awesome responsibility to say just the right thing.
The Healing Power of Writing
It’s brought me back to thinking about the reasons I write. First, I do it for myself, to make sense of my inner life: the thoughts and feelings I experience as I go through day-to-day living. The self-examination, the desire to understand, and the search for meaning are expressed in my journal and may never become anything I share with others. Most of it doesn’t.
Then there is the writing I want to share. That writing usually arises from what comes through journaling and is intended to bring some sense of goodness to others, whether it’s meant to inspire or offer hope or share insights I’ve gained through my personal experiences or, most importantly, to help us see our interconnectedness and our shared humanity, no matter how different my experiences may be from yours.
Stories help us heal, stories bring understanding, stories reveal common ground and the universality of the thoughts and emotions we experience. In these current times, stories can support us to see that we are not alone and encourage us to reach out to each other.
These thoughts bring me back to the swirl I’ve been in recently. The events happening in our country feel overwhelming. Nothing has happened to me directly, but I’m aware of the pain being experienced by others, including our beloved Mother Earth and all Sentient Beings. So many individuals are expressing themselves through writing that I’ve wondered whether my voice is necessary. I don’t want to be a part of creating noise, and even though I understand that my words are not meant to save the world, I do want them to serve in some way. But how? And what?
What can I say that will come from a place of wisdom? What can I offer that will be from the wellspring of hope? What can I express that reflects the grief many of us are feeling? What about the anxiety that is riding along the wind currents, traveling through towns and cities, passing over the lands throughout our country?
I have more questions than answers, more uncertainty than clear directions.
Check Your Inner Landscape
So maybe I start by asking myself questions to take my internal temperature each day before I consider what I might offer others. Questions like:
How am I feeling today? What am I feeling?
What do I need today? How can I tend to my body, mind, and essence today?
What brings a smile to my face? What offers joy amid deep grief?
Who and what inspires me, encourages me, and offers me hope?
What can I, in turn, share with others as I go about my day today?
How I answer that final question is much less about being perfect or getting it just right or saying the exact right words. It’s more about taking a step, opening a door, along with my heart, to be present to others.
Look for the Light
A field lies fallow under the warm sunshine, during the springtime planting season while other cultivated lands are being prepared for seeding, growing, and eventual harvesting. The fallow field needs to “sit it out” for at least a season as everything around it is coming to life and bursting with new springtime energy.
Sometimes we need to do this for ourselves as well. To let our bodies, minds, and spirits settle, to calm our nervous systems when they’ve been overtaxed, to take in nourishment. And sometimes what we need is to pause and enjoy moments of delight—even amid pain. When we are in the flow of life, when we tap into our senses and open our hearts and minds, those moments are available to us. Just as the sun shines down to warm and revive resting land, joyful moments can warm and revive us.
The best way for me to get there is to be in flow with the day rather than remain completely checked out. Over the past week, I’ve been practicing this to the best of my ability. And, oh, what I’ve experienced!
Outside my second-story bathroom window, I’ve enjoyed watching Mama and Daddy Fox playing with their baby—they are living under our next-door neighbors’ porch. Almost daily, we are visited by five female deer who spend time in our yard. As I’ve passed by one of our daughters’ bedrooms that now sits empty except for her occasional visits, I’ve taken some time in the morning to enjoy our neighbors’ tree dressed in the full bloom of its springtime reddish-pinkish petals.
Last week, I laughed with my eight-year-old grandson as he showed us how we looked through Snapchat images. And in April, he and I dyed colored eggs together.
ALL HAVE BEEN MOMENTS OF PURE JOY!
So, this is where I’ll end—reminding myself that those moments of joy are available to me, and you, even in the darkest of times. Sometimes what we need most, rather than a missive on life, is a moment that brings a smile to our face, chills to our body, and warmth to our hearts. May you find those moments today and in the days to come.
